Diaries of an Immortal
by Neko Kitsune
Summary: A peek into the daily lives of a two vampires, a hunter-and coming soon-a mage, and a garou. Hilarity (or at the very least-insanity) will certainly ensue. Welcome to the House of Elysium.
1. Entry One

Title: Diary of an Immortal  
Author: Neko Kitsune  
Fandom: White Wolf  
Pairing: OC+(OC+OC)  
Feedback: neko_kitty73@hotmail.com  
Disclaimer: My muses were smacking me around, and I was liking it, and this was the result. White Wolf's world is not mine. Neither is Max, though I do have permission to use him/her. Rinn belongs solely to me, however.  
Also, the genre of this fic is much lighter and more comedic than the actual game would likely ever be. Whereas the WW world is dark and full of angst, this reads like a cartoon. Which it was so much fun to write ^_~ But seriously, barring extremely dire circumstance, this cast would never come together. And without absolute necessity, they would certainly not choose to co-exist for any duration of time. Therefore, the character interaction would never occur, as you will see.  
Further, though I have in fact read "Vampire: The Masquerade", "Hunter: The Reckoning", "Werewolf: The Apocalyps"e, and "Mage: The Ascension" from cover-to-cover, the characters may not always act true to their assigned species, clan, or known system of beliefs. However, I only bend the rules for the purpose of comedy.  
Basically, I am following White Wolf's one Golden Rule, "There are no rules."  
Archive: If you want it, go nuts! Just be a dear and tell me about it so I can link you ^_^  
Warnings: AU, Gender Issues, Vampires, Hunters, Guns, Language, Ice Cream. Fear the Ice Cream.   
Rating: PG-13   
Other Notes: The "Diaries" were all co-written with my good friend, Bean.  


  
**Does it REALLY matter?**

My name is Max, and I am a vampire.

To be more precise, I am a Ravnos vampire. This means that I am a particularly dangerous, conniving, wandering, thieving, friendless, nomadic creature of the night.

Or, I would be, if not for Rinn.

Rinn. Rinn: the-bane-of-my-existence-Rinn. Rinn: the-she-never-stops-talking-EVER-Rinn. Rinn: the-she-won't-just-go-away-and-leave-me-alone-Rinn.

I can go on. FOREVER.

The most important thing to know about Rinn, in my humble opinion, is that she will probably be the death of me.

Literally.

Now, the second most important thing to know is that I love her. And if you touch her, I will kill you. PAINFULLY. And I will enjoy it. A lot.

The third thing, is that Rinn also a vampire. From a special clan, called the Malkavians. The Malkavians are all completely certifiably insane. Rinn is no exception to this. She's the single craziest, most interesting, creature that I have ever come into contact with.

As I write this, I hear Rinn outside. She bounces everywhere she goes, so it's rather hard NOT to hear her approaching. 

She hops up beside me, and begins to talk. She does this every night. I listen with vague interest until her tone of voice changes, to indicate something of particular importance.

"And than," she says, leaning in and lowering her voice as if sharing the greatest secret of the universe, "We're gonna go get ice cream!"

I smile at her and consider reminding her that I can't eat. But she looks so happy, that I decide not to, and return her smile instead.

This is all she needs, and she launches into a long bubbly speech about something...what? Oh. Ice cream. That's what she's talking about. Oh well, as long it makes her happy, I'll pretend to eat ice cream all night. Every night.

She's given me more headaches than I ever thought possible. When I'm not running after her to keep her out of trouble, or shaking my head at what she's done now, I am wondering how I am going to get us both out of what her exuberance has gotten us into.

So, we're off to get ice cream. Due to some special ability, Rinn can actually eat and enjoy human food. She can't keep it down, but it's more than most vampires can do. Including me.

In the small ice cream parlor Rinn has found for us, the people are ordering inside, and eating outside. They make me hungry. But Rinn would be upset if I ruined her snack by grabbing one of my own. Apparently, blood ruins ice cream.

Who knew?

Certainly not me.

We get the ice cream. Rinn always buys me a cone as well. I'll probably eat it. I always do. It doesn't stay down long, or taste like anything, but it does make her smile.

Now we turn to walk back home. I need to get away from the temptation of human blood, and I need to find a nice alley to share my ice cream with. This is the part I hate the most. But Rinn is now completely absorbed in chasing a plastic bag wandering down the road, so at least she won't have to watch.

After redepositing my snack on the ground, I wander back out of the alley, to find where Rinn has gone too. I see her across the street, staring intently at something. I know that look.

That look is the first sign we're about to be in massive amounts of trouble.

What now?

I shift my gaze, and find myself staring at a man passing by. He's a mortal, and he seems to be in a hurry. He walks hunched over, hands buried deep in his pockets, and collar up, covering most of his face.

Despite the fact that I can't see much more than his eyes, it's obvious that he is beautiful. Actually, more than beautiful. Sort of painful to look at for very long, actually. Kinda like Rinn. 

Go figure.

Rinn grins at me. I take a closer look at the mortal. I find I can't remember the last time I've seen one Kine as an indivual. 

Usually, they're just dinner. 

Oh shit. Now I know what this mortal is. He's a Hunter. He one goal in life is to rid the world of vampires and other supernatural creatures on a fairly regular basis.

Wonderful.

I realize that Rinn is perfectly aware of the Kine's true nature. So, when she shrieks and bolts, I am not surprised. That would be the reaction of any sane young vampire.

As I notice that Rinn is running full-speed *towards* the Hunter, and not *away* from him, I am again forced to face the painful reality that Rinn is, in fact, not sane.

He's big, dangerous looking, probably extremely well-armed, and she's going to try to give him ice cream. 

I am not surprised. Why am I not surprised?

Oh wait! I know! Because it's Rinn! 

And I've been dealing with her for several decades. You'd be amazed. Yes, yes you would.

The Hunter actually looks surprised as Rinn hugs him. Granted, this is markedly better than homicidal, but confusion fades fast.

As I near the two, I see that the Hunter now holds a cocked anti-aircraft gun in one hand, a rapidly melting ice cream cone in the other, and Rinn is plastered to his chest, so that he actually can't shoot anything.

If he weren't so dangerous, the expression on his face would be funny.

I decide to try to talk Rinn away from the Hunter. Granted, this tactic has never worked before, but I cling to the hope that there really is a first time for everything.

Really.

"Ah Rinn? Come back. Please don't glomp the Hunter, sweetie. He doesn't want to be your friend. Stop telling him that he does. No, you cannot keep him. I see you thinking it. Don't. Even. Think. It. It never works out. Do you remember the bunnies Rinn? All the different batches of them?"

Rinn turns, smiles happily, and asks with total innocence, "Max-chan, can I keep this one? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

I hate it when she whines. I hate it, because I usually give in.

This time however, she can't afford that. I can dodge bullets. 

Than again, I've been alive for over 800 years. Rinn however, is still a childe. More importantly she'd my adopted childe, and my responsibility. It's my duty to keep her safe.

"Rinn, darling? Do you see the gun? The big, scary, gun? It's not a happy gun. It's a bad gun. Get away from it."

Rinn nods. Shock! Apparently, she's listening. 

So I watch her squirm under the Hunter's right arm, the one holding the ice cream, and hop up onto his back. 

Somehow, this is not an improvement.

The Hunter cocks an eyebrow at me, and smirks.

"Not a happy gun? I beg to differ. I think it's a very happy gun."

He points his oh-so-happy gun at me and orders flatly. "Get her off me, so I can shoot you both."

I hate Hunters.

But I have a trump card.

"If you kill me, she'll never let go. Never leave. Never go away. I promise."

Rinn chirps happily, "Me too! I promise, too! Just like Max. Max is smart! And I love Max! And I love you too, happy-gun-man!"  
  
Now the look on the Hunter's face *is* funny. And I laugh at him.

He sees his fate. Impending, unending doom isn't usually this amusing. The difference is that this time, it's not my fate. It's his! HAHAHAHAHA-

Wait.

This is still a bad thing. Well, at least now the Hunter looks far more disturbed than self-righteous and/or homicidal. You have an ethereal duty to destroy vampires, do you Hunter? Well, I dare you to explain to the angels who blessed you with this holy crusade why the vampire on your back thinks she loves you so so much. Or, better yet, just why there is a vampire hanging on your back in the first place.

Some of this joy must have shown on my face, because now he looks like he's going to cry. Or maybe that's just Rinn cutting off his oxygen supply. 

He starts to turn an interesting shade of blue, and I realize the truth.

"Rinn dear, remember the whole 'Living creatures need air' thing? We talked about this. Do you remember why we had to get the third batch of bunnies?"

I've never a Hunter look so panicked before. 

Apparently though, this one is a smart-ass right to the bitter end. He manages to gasp, "How many batches were there, anyway?"

Again, Rinn has the answer. I can't believe she's making an effort to follow our conversation. This is truly a night of miracles. But I haven't had the best history with miracles.

"Nine! And counting!"At this point she seems not only to be listening, but also responding. She loosens her hold and the Hunter resumes a somewhat more normal color.

Except now, the Hunter has full access to both gun and ice cream cone.

Oh how I fear the ice cream cone.

So, I walk diredtly up to the Hunter. Looking him squarely in the eye, I utilize some super-human speed to take the ice cream from him.

I hand the dripping cone to Rinn. She licks at it happily and bounces off.

Than I explain to the Hunter, "She'd be upset if something happened to her ice cream."

I can see in her eyes that as soon as she finishes off the last of the Rocky Road, she's going to glomp the Hunter again. So, I grab her around the waist, and sling her over my shoulder.

I am very careful not to disturb the ice cream.

The Hunter notices this. He now looks the way that I feel most nights. Kinda stunned, kinda awestruck, mostly confused. Funny, I thought I was the only one that Rinn affected like that.

This does not bode well for the future. Mine or the Hunter's. 

Not at all.

The Hunter watches Rinn with an unreadable expression. And for her part, Rinn has now finished off the cone, and is blowing the Hunter sticky kisses.

He doesn't move to accept them.

What he doesn't know, that the kisses will continue until he does. And when he finally breaks down, they will still continue, but with more enthusiasm.

For the first time in my existence a vampire, I almost pity the Kine.

This feeling prompts me to raise my hand, and give the Hunter a small wave.

Hunter. I'm sure we'll meet again.

The Hunter looks genuinely afraid.

"No we won't!"

Sure. That's what he thinks. I'll let him keep his little illusion. So I just shake my head and begin to walk away.

Somehow, I just don't think he'll shoot at us now.

Rinn has that affect on people.

I can feel the Hunter's eyes on my back, and than he to turns and walks away. Most likely, to hunt something less confusing.

The rest of the night is fairly uneventful. I feed, she feeds, we go to sleep well before dawn approaches. And as I close my eyes, I sincerely hope she has forgotten the Hunter.

Somehow, I doubt it.

_~tbc~_


	2. Entry Two

Title: Diary of an Immortal  
Author: Neko Kitsune  
Fandom: White Wolf  
Pairing: OC+(OC+OC)  
Feedback: neko_kitty73@hotmail.com  
Disclaimer: My muses were smacking me around, and I was liking it, and this was the result. White Wolf's world is not mine. Neither is Max, though I do have permission to use him/her. Rinn belongs solely to me, however.   
See Entry One for full disclaimers, but basically, this fic has a much lighter tone than the White Wolf World likely ever intended. Which is, of course, what makes it so fun to play with ^_~  
Just remember White Wolf's one Golden Rule, "There are no rules."  
Archive: If you want it, go nuts! Just be a dear and tell me about it so I can link you ^_^  
Warnings: AU, Gender Issues, Vampires, Hunters, Guns, Language, Bondage. You heard right, Bondage.  
Rating: PG-13   
Other Notes: The "Diaries" have all been co-written with my good friend, Bean.  


  
**Date: The Next Day**

I wake up. Alone. Rinn has gone...somewhere...

This is both unusual and frightening.

I bolt out of the bedroom, and stumble into the den.

I walk pass the couch, noting with interest the figure bound, gagged, and placed on the middle cushion. He has an dish of ice cream in front of him.

She seems to have forgotten that you can't eat through a gag. Apparently, she has tried to feed him. Ice cream is smeared all over his super-naturally gorgeous face.

Again, I give into the urge to laugh.

Rinn hops up beside me and points at the couch. 

You see, Rinn doesn't have to breathe. No breaks in conversation for her. None at all. But I'm used it, so I am able to pick out the pertinent information.

Mainly, that his name is Ethan. And my Rinn thinks she's in love with him.

Also, he wouldn't eat his ice cream.

I only respond to the last bit, That's because he's gagged dear.

As soon as Rinn removes the gag, the Hunter begins to speak.

Oh wonderful. Another one. At least he has to stop to breathe occasionally. Or so I thought...

Again, I respond only to the last remark, and pick up a cloth to wipe off his face.

This will not end well.

Hopefully, it will end better than last time. I'm still recovering from last time. Did you know Lupine's don't like vampires? They are actually the ancient and eternal enemies of vampires. Rinn activitely sought one out and brought it back here. How she managed that exactly, I'm still not sure. But, it's alright. I didn't really need my left eye. No no. Not at all.

On the other end of the couch, I notice Rinn chewing on something. Something small, shiny, and silver.

Bullets?

Ethan notices this too.

SHE'S EATING MY BULLETS!

I accept his new development with considerable calm, Sweetie, did you eat his guns?

SHE COULD HAVE EATEN MY GUNS?!?

No! I put them in the refrigerator!"

I wander off to the bathroom to retrieve Ethan's guns.

According to Rinn, the bathroom is a refrigerator. As is the hall closet. And the attic. The actual refrigerator is known simply as, The Goldfish Bowl.

I hear a shriek from behind me, WHAT? THE REFRIGERATOR?"

I yell over my shoulder, No, the bathroom!

I hear more screaming. Apparently, that bit of information did not make him feel better.

I walk over, untie the Hunter, and release him, empty guns in hand.

Goodbye Hunter. I'll see you tomorrow."

No! No you won't! I'm getting away this time. I'm going to leave this town, and never come back. Ever!

That's what he thinks, anyway.

The rest of the night is relatively tame. Comparatively. As tame as life ever is with Rinn around.

_~tbc~_


	3. Entry Three

Title: Diary of an Immortal  
Author: Neko Kitsune  
Fandom: White Wolf  
Pairing: OC+(OCxOC)  
Feedback: neko_kitty73@hotmail.com  
Disclaimer: My muses were smacking me around, and I was liking it, and this was the result. White Wolf's world is not mine. Neither is Max, though I do have permission to use him/her. Rinn belongs solely to me, however.   
See Entry One for full disclaimers, but basically, this fic has a much lighter tone than the White Wolf World likely ever intended. Which is, of course, what makes it so fun to play with ^_~  
Just remember White Wolf's one Golden Rule, "There are no rules."  
Archive: If you want it, go nuts! Just be a dear and tell me about it so I can link you ^_^  
Warnings: AU, Gender Issues, Vampires, Hunters, Guns, Language, Twister. Fear the Twister.   
Rating: R  
Other Notes: The "Diaries" have all been co-written with my good friend, Bean.  


  
**Date: I'm Starting to Suspect I Should Really Invest in a Sundial or Something**

I wake and, like yesterday, Rinn is not there. This does not bode well for the Hunter, stupid little Lunchable-waiting-to-happen.

I stroll casually into the living room, in much less of panic than yesterday. But I don't see them in the room. I search the rest of the house quickly, and determine neither is present. Yet.

Than I hear screaming from the backyard.

And it sounds like the shrieks are coming from Rinn. 

I no longer pity the Hunter.

Stupid, stupid, thinking that the Hunter wasn't really a threat.

No matter how personable Rinn is, he's *still* a Hunter.

As I reach the middle of the yard, I belatedly really I've got a firm grip on what appears to be the the remains of the backdoor.

And than I see the Twister mat set up. Rinn is screaming, because she has lost her balance and fallen on her ass. 

Ethan seems to be admiring the view. Not that I blame him, she's not wearing a shirt.  
  
Wait. Why is she not wearing a shirt?

Rinn seems to read my mind.

Hi Max! We're playing Strip Twister!

Ethan's coat and shirt are hanging in a nearby tree.

I swear, if he keeps grinning at me, I will throw the backdoor at him.

Ethan says calmly, You could play too, Max.

Thank you so much for the invitation. Bastard.

No, no I can't.

At least he's adjusting. Humans are amazingly versatile like that.

Don't worry, we're both guys and-

Ethan notices the look I am giving him a just little late. His sentence ends up in a confused jumble.

Aren't we?

I just glare.

The Hunter recovers quickly, So, you're a woman?

I keep glaring.

Aren't you?

This is almost amusing. Not quite. The fact that Rinn seems to have determined that she's lost Strip Twister, and is now divesting herself of all her clothes does make me smile though.

Than I realize the Hunter is still sitting there. And is now more confused than ever.

Ethan speaks, Wait. Why is she....And why don't you know...AND WHY AM I HERE?

Rinn glomps the Hunter, wearing only bra and panties.

That seems to be enough of an answer for him.

I walk inside. I can't wait for the frustrated screams when she loses all interest in five minutes, and starts watching her toes.

Stupid Hunter. He thinks he's gonna get some. From a Malkavian. MY MALKAVIAN.

Moron.

I've never met anyone but fellow vampires who are even potentially fast enough to keep up with Rinn. But, he looks like he's going to try.

Moron.

_~tbc~_


End file.
